🇺🇸🔥 Wet Hot American Weekend 🔥🇺🇸

“I grew the ‘fro out so I can head it. So I was ready for it.”

—Chris Richards speaking to PalaceTV moments after scoring his first-ever Premier League goal. Love to see the genuine, well-earned joy on his face in this interview. This is a guy who has had to struggle to define himself amidst the chaos at Crystal Palace, playing out of position, and has done so with an inner-calm which has been admirable to witness. What a way to announce yourself to new management.

A Famous, Fabulous February Weekend:

This was not your typical weekend for Americans Abroad. This one was a complete and utter — yet extremely welcome — shock.

This was like heading out to catch The National at your local concert hall, only to have Taylor Swift show up for a few songs. Along with Phoebe Bridgers. And Dave Grohl on drums. With some Bez sprinkled in.

This was like buying tickets for an Off Broadway stage adaptation of Dazed and Confused (dare to dream 😵‍💫), only to find out that Matthew McConaughey will be playing the part of Wooderson.

This was a collection of performances that was entirely unexpected, and came out of nowhere, but will be replayed in the memory banks for some time to come.

To wit: Five different players had goal contributions in the five major European leagues for the first time since 2006-07. And after this weekend, 12 different U.S. players have now scored in the five major European leagues, the most this century.

The list of standout performances is lengthy. Too long, in fact, for a detailed review. So to honor this 48 hours of American footballing madness, we put together a Starting XI honoring the best from our boys abroad.

🇺🇸🔥 Wet Hot American Weekend XI 🔥🇺🇸

GK: Ethan Horvath 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 (28; Highlands Ranch, CO) … Got his first win with Cardiff City, 2-1 over Stoke City on Saturday, with five saves and 1.06 Goals Prevented. Rocky Mountain Neuer the difference between a win and a draw for the Red-White-and-Bluebirds. 🧤

DEF: Chris Richards 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (23; Birmingham, AL) … Scored his first-ever Premier League goal — his lovely diving header technically the match-winner — in Crystal Palace’s 3-0 win over West Ham on Saturday. Then gave us flowers in the IG comments — along with fellow USMNT'er Mark McKenzie and the one and only Brendan Hunt — for our Roll MF’ing Tide goal tribute video (Watch).

DEF: Antonee Robinson 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (26; Liverpool, ENG) … As instrumental as an Explosions in the Sky album in Fulham’s historic 2-1 win over Manchester United at Old Trafford. Came up with better clearances than a Toyota dealership on President’s Day.

DEF: Sergiño Dest 🇳🇱 (23; Almere, NED) … Notched his fifth assist of the season in PSV’s 7-1 win at PEC Zwolle. Then on Tuesday dropped some more dimes for U.S. Soccer on the NBA on TNT. (We thought for a second the big news was that Flying Dutchman Rik Smits was making a comeback. Or joining Gregg’s staff as Bounce Pass Coach. 🏀)

DEF: Auston Trusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (25; Media, PA) … One of Sheffield United’s top performers in their hard-fought 1-0 loss at Wolves. The Blades may not be long for the Premier League, but Trusty is developing into a sturdy top-flight defender.

MID: Johnny Cardoso 🇪🇸 (22; Denville, NJ) … Unleashed a banger heard ‘cross the Iberian Peninsula (watch) in Real Betis’ 3-1 win over Athletic Bilbao. Then was named LaLiga U23 Player of the Month for February. Gregg’s going to have a tough time keeping him out of the Nations League XI at this rate.

MID: Weston McKennie 🇮🇹 (25; Little Elm, TX) … The Creator in Chief had two assists (watch) in Juventus’ 3-2 win over Frosinone. Wes suffered a dislocated shoulder in the win, but according to The Athletic, he only missed two weeks of action after suffering a similar injury in 2022.

MID: Paxten Aaronson 🇳🇱 (20; Medford, NJ) … Lovely moment for Young Pax, as he scored his first-ever European goal in Vitesse’s 2-1 win at Excelsior on Sunday (watch). Big bro Brenden also added a Sir Mix-a-Lot goal (watch) for Union Berlin in their 2-2 draw with Heidenheim.

MID: Malik Tillman 🇳🇱 (21; Nürnberg, GER) … Along with Dest, also had an assist for PSV in their Zwolle victory. Now on five goals and five assists for the season. 🙌

FWD: Ricardo Pepi 🇳🇱 (21; El Paso, TX) … Scored his sixth league goal of the season (watch), teaming up with Dest and Tillman for the PSV USA goal contribution trifecta — an event we refer to as “The Holland Tunnel”.

FWD: Folarin Balogun 🇫🇷 (22; London, ENG) … Scored in Monaco’s 3-2 win at Lens (watch). After a month-and-a-half goal drought, now has two in his last four matches in all competitions. Finding form just in time for Nations League. 💪

BENCH: Jordan Pefok 🇩🇪 (27; Washington, DC) added to GGG’s striker selection headaches with his seventh goal of the season in Borussia Monchengladbach’s 5-2 win over Bochum on Saturday. Joe Scally, Lennard Maloney, Kevin Paredes, and John Brooks all also had quality starts, and suffered zero total losses, in Bundesliga action over the weekend. … Luca de la Torre 🇪🇸 (25; San Diego, CA) — a.k.a. American Ricky Rubio — had an assist (watch) in Celta Vigo’s 2-2 draw at Cadiz … Gianluca Busio 🇮🇹 (21; Greensboro, NC) had a moment of two-way magic, making a strong tackle that was followed by the match-winning assist in Venezia’s 2-1 win at Pisa in Serie B (watch … the finish is 💯🤌) … Donovan Pines 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (25; Clarksville, MD) made his first start for English third-tier side Barnsley in their 2-1 win over Derby County on Saturday, with manager Neill Collins saying the former D.C. United defender “handled the occasion really well.”

MLS Alums in Mexico:

Our gents weren’t just finding the back of the net in Europe. We also got in the goals South of the Border as well.

Cade Cowell 🇲🇽 (20; Ceres, CA) scored his first Liga MX goal for Chivas in their 3-1 win over Pumas on Saturday night. Nothing like a good, old-fashioned spiked-in-the-ground golazo (watch). Not to be outdone, fellow Californian Brandon Vazquez 🇲🇽 (25; Chula Vista, CA) scored his fifth goal in six matches for Monterrey in their 3-0 win at Juarez (watch).

News and Notes:

• Tyler Adams 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 update! Cherries manager Andoni Iraola to the Bournemouth Echo: "Tyler has started training with the group. In the past week he has started training quite normally ... It is very possible he plays some minutes with the second team, because after almost one year he will need some rhythm ... No pain and he is training well, so everything is going in a good direction." 🍒💪

• Christian Pulisic 🇮🇹 (25; Hershey, PA) nearly scored another Sic! Sic! goal on Sunday in Milan’s 1-1 draw with Atalanta (watch). Quite certain American Soccer Twitter would have spontaneously combusted if that was the closing highlight of our Wet Hot Soccer Weekend.

• Danny Trejo 🇵🇱 (25; Mendota, CA) had two quite lovely assists (watch) for Korona Kielce in their 3-3 draw with Legia Warsaw. And as a halftime substitute, no less. 👟👟

• Timmy Chandler 🇩🇪 (33; Frankfurt, GER) had an assist for Eintracht Frankfurt in their 1-1 draw with Wolfsburg (watch).

• Great piece in The Athletic on Le Havre’s Emmanuel Sabbi 🇫🇷 (26; Columbus, OH). The USMNT winger is on a mission to establish himself with Project Gregg. His secret weapon? Salmon.

• U.S. Soccer has also announced that the USMNT will face Brazil on June 12 in Orlando, as part of Copa America preparations. The U.S. opens group play on June 23 against Bolivia.

Parting Shots:

We close this week with Ein Maß 🍺 for FC St. Pauli manager Fabian Hürzeler 🇩🇪. After his hipster side’s 4-3 win at Holstein Kiel on Friday, the 31-year-old born in Houston, Texas has the Freibeuter (“Buccaneers”) six points clear at the top of the German second-tier with 11 matches left to play. Moreover, through 40 matches with the Hamburg side, the legit Wunderkind has won 26, drawn 11, and lost just three matches. This wildly impressive record has seen him linked with jobs in the German top flight, but it seems that Hürzeler isn’t going anywhere. “I have already clearly told my bosses, and I will say it again, that I want to stay at St Pauli,” he told Bundesliga.com.